The Happiest Children Often Have Grandparents Who Follow These Five Rules
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Grandparents often get cast as the ones who spoil, who allow one extra cartoon or an extra slice of cake. Behind this tender image, many still wonder: what should they actually prioritize to truly benefit their grandchildren without creating friction with their own children who have become parents?
"Grandparents can play an essential role in child development," explains Maya Bousaini, child psychologist, speaking to Parade. But this role comes with responsibilities that must be properly understood.
When Grandparents Become Essential Caregivers
"Grandparents have an even more important role when they are direct caregivers for their grandchildren, for example by supporting parents with childcare, which is in itself a vital element of a child's life," Bousaini notes.
In many families, they take over after school, during vacations, or during crisis periods. This isn't just occasional babysitting. It's foundational support that shapes how families function.
The Irreplaceable Connection Between Generations
For Amy Kincaid Todey, also a child psychologist, this position is unique. "Grandparents offer something no one else can: unconditional love without the daily pressure of raising children," she explains.
"You are the living history of your family. You carry stories, values, and a sense of identity that anchor grandchildren in something bigger than themselves. You are, literally, irreplaceable."
But the grandparent role cannot function without a certain harmony with that of the parents. For this reason, psychologists encourage grandparents to interact with respect and empathy toward their adult children who have become parents.
"Grandparents play an essential role in reducing the stress of their adult children, which has a positive impact on how these parents interact with their own children," emphasizes Brittney Pearson, psychologist.
Understanding the Rules Parents Set
To respect the parents' role, psychologists advise taking a step back and thinking about the foundations of the rules established by their grandchildren's parents.
According to these experts, a grandparent who first supports the parents while offering a consistent, authentic presence enriched with stories creates an environment in which the child can truly feel secure.
They also suggest putting themselves in their children's shoes to imagine what certain advice might make them feel. Beyond this particular relationship to manage between three generations, the psychologists interviewed by Parade listed five rules that grandparents should follow for their grandchildren's well-being.
What the Research Reveals About Modern Grandparenting
The dynamic between grandparents, parents, and children has evolved considerably. What emerges from psychological research isn't a call for distance or withdrawal, but rather for intentional connection built on mutual respect.
The grandparent who understands their unique position—offering love without the weight of daily discipline, providing continuity without undermining parental authority—becomes more than just another caregiver. They become the bridge between past and future, the keeper of family memory who helps children understand where they come from while their parents help them navigate where they're going.
